Sunday morning RIDE! - Doin' it french style...

...and I don't mean with tongue.

YES! My email has been screwed up but thankfully Harry got his message through anyways. There's a RIDE this Sunday morning, 8am-ish in front of Clown Dog Bikes (on San Jac). With his ride announcement comes a few words about that holiest of holy bike events: The TOUR DE FRANCE!

CAUSE FOR REJOICING

Mon Dieu! L’ete is upon us again! That means it’s time for the annual recurrence of the most important event of the most important sport in the universe. That sport is, of course, grand tour bicycle racing, and the event is none other than the Tour de France. As excitement builds to fever pitch among Euro-twit wanna-bes everywhere, I have a few modest predictions.

* The Wizards of Shimano will astound the cycling world by announcing that they have reduced the weight of the DuraAce groupset by yet another 3.7 grams.
* Floyd Landis will announce that Beryl Burton was doping during her astounding world record 12-hour time trial of 1967. (C’mon, you didn’t think she beat a bunch of men just because she was a really great cyclist, did you?)
* Jonathan Vaughters will amass more media face time in three weeks than Barack Obama, Gary Coleman and Gary Coleman’s ex-wife combined in the entire year of 2010. (As an aside, Gary is a strong contender in the category of Most Face Time for a Recently-Dead Guy, but the year is only half gone. A timely departure by Jimmy Carter or the elder Bush could provide some real competition.)
* Every red-blooded Frenchman will hope fervently that Lance Armstrong severely embarrasses himself.
* Every red-blooded Frenchman will hope with equal fervor that he may live long enough to see the day when one of his countrymen will again have a chance of winning Their Race.

As is my custom, I will dutifully record every moment of every telecast so that I may scan through Bob Roll’s endless babble (I’d say it’s a tie between him and Larry King for World’s Most Soporific Voice) to observe the important stuff, namely, the climbs, the sprints, the crashes and the finishes. The rest is a lot of strategy stuff that’s included so that the Euro-twit wanna-bes can look at each other, nod wisely and feel important because they’re Serious Cycling Insiders.

So the Tour rolls on Saturday, and then comes Sunday, also a red-letter day. No, not just because of the Sunday morning ride, although that’s always cause for rejoicing. This Sunday we celebrate the 234th anniversary of that day when a bunch of wacko troublemakers in Philadelphia decided to officially serve notice that the management-in-absentia arrangement with Great Britain wasn’t working out and a few adjustments were about to be made. I refer, of course, to the 4th of July, aka American Independence Day. Come celebrate with us as we embark upon an independence-affirming ride through our city and its adjacent environs.

As usual, we roll from Clown Dog at 8:20 Sunday morning. Route will be determined at the whim of whatever unruly mob congregates.

Those of you who have ridden with us before know how we roll. For those who haven’t, please read the blah-blah below. It’s important. Really.

• We embrace all types of cycles and cyclists. From spandex to shants, from tall bikes to Pinarellos, we’re all about riding. Bring whatcha got and ride with us.

• Every cyclist is responsible for his or her own safety and well-being. We assume that everyone is familiar with basic rules of cycling safety and has enough hours in the saddle to feel comfortable with his or her ride. Use of helmets is optional (but highly recommended). Use of headphones, earbuds, Blue Tooth headsets or any other form of electronic distraction is discouraged. (It’s a SOCIAL ride, dammit!) All traffic laws and rules of right-of-way will be observed. Here’s the deal:

SAFETY FIRST!!!!!

If someone gets killed, it ruins the ride for everybody.

• This ride is 25-30 miles long through mostly urban and suburban areas. We do a convenience store stop at about the halfway point for anyone who needs snacks or drinks.

• Bring a water bottle. It’s hot out there. Bring two water bottles.

• There is no SAG support on this ride. Bring a spare tube and something that will inflate it.

• The purpose of this ride is for everyone to have a good time and (we hope) to become better cyclists. We ride at a variable pace, according to the group on any given ride, and all skill levels are welcome. This is a 25-30 mile ride over typical Central Texas terrain. If this is consistent with your riding experience, or is perhaps slightly more challenging than what you’re accustomed to, you should have no problem going the distance.

If you were just waiting for an excuse to get up early on Sunday morning, now you’ve got one. Come join us.

It’s time to ride.

Thank you Harry. You always deliver.